I just need to get it out.

Somewhere to word vommit, brain dump, thought spew. Everything seems to circle in my mind and thoughts until anger and anxiety get too aggitated and it comes out but by then... well, then it gets jumpled and misshappen, it may not even be what the actual problem is. So im hoping this is the safe space, to vent, organize, and maybe even provide clairty. The wins and losses to be counted and maybe documented as well as the general things.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I hate

i hate that my brain will just go into survival mode. i know it's years of abuse and ptsd related. i hate that there's a switch that flips and i try so hard to flip it back and struggle. i don't want to second guess every move, i don't want to walk on eggshells. i can't unhear the inflection your voice change. i hate being scared. i'm trapped in mocked scenarios of people that never hurt me; a sort of ghost imprint, echoing from the pain and abuse. pulling every stop, trying not to self sabotage. tears, as the transition from flight to freeze lock in and get jumbled up.
Read more

Icecream and tears

icecream and tears. both drip into my journal. sadness trails. i said i love you. you said i love you, but.... and thats now its not the same. those conditions followed. where my mine were absent.
Read more

Reflection of self

While waiting for an event to begin this morning, I found nyself doom scrolling. Noticed a meme that said, "how a man treats the mother of his child is the biggest refelction of himself." Not having kids I didn't do anything but keep goiing... but something in that post rang so true. I've dated several men with kiddos, it's the age thing at this point. But I only know of a handful of men who treat the mother of their child(ren) with kindess and respect. The character of these men is admirable, to say the least.... the most recent is my boyfriend the other men are friends. They have all put in the work (therapy) to be in that space. The healed part of them is what they show when they interact with women that gave them their children. It is truly a point to recognize and yet another place to appreciate my boyfriend.
Read more