One more time

Because I love. Not for any other reason other than loving you, you are deserving of kindness, love, and respect. I know you’d do the same. Thank you for recognizing. Thank you for allowing me into the space because I know where broken promises and expectations existed it can be come a hardened out part of your heart. Thank you for keeping that place soft for me. --- the excerpt

i hate that my brain will just go into survival mode. i know it's years of abuse and ptsd related. i hate that there's a switch that flips and i try so hard to flip it back and struggle. i don't want to second guess every move, i don't want to walk on eggshells. i can't unhear the inflection your voice change. i hate being scared. i'm trapped in mocked scenarios of people that never hurt me; a sort of ghost imprint, echoing from the pain and abuse. pulling every stop, trying not to self sabotage. tears, as the transition from flight to freeze lock in and get jumbled up.

I'd fall inlove with you over and over again; in every lifetime, at chance I'd get... my only chage would be to do it sooner so we'd be able to spend more time together. How quickly do you want to spend eternity with the one? as quick as possible seems crazy, because you have eternity. But I don't want to experience it without you. I'm mot scared or ashamed to go it alone, I want to just spend it with you, experience it with you. Make the memories; hear the laughs...